This will be another long post. Kids...I promise all your posts won't be so sad to read. However, the reality is..this was a sad time. I didn't know at the time exactly how precious this weekend was going to be. Now..looking back I can't let go of one memory from this weekend and I never will.
Being the little travel planner I am I planned a little weekend away in Stone Mtn. Ga for you boys to play in the snow and plans to see Santa at Phipps Plaza as we do each year. We loaded up Papa's "baburban" as JB calls and headed out. I got us lost of course because I rely on the trusty iphone for everything and got a little confused...but we made it!
As soon as we arrived papa, daddy, jb & I headed out to play in the snow and do the snow tubing. Beckett needed a nap and Nana was tired so they stayed back and slept together.
For a moment it was fun to get out and watch JB smile and laugh. You threw snow balls and loved snow tubing. We stayed about 2 hours so they could get a good nap in. We returned back to the room...I remember mom was still sleeping when we got back. We freshened up for dinner and decided to stay in the hotel for dinner. Mom was doing decent and was able to eat a few things. You kiddos ate shrimp and all kinds of food and desserts. Most of the adults had crab legs and it was over all a good night. We put you kids to bed and hung out with Nana and Papa in the adjoining room.
Here is what I remember from that...we talked about football and were watching sports on TV...mom laid her head by mine and even said..."I just hope I am here next year to go to that game." You kids don't know her like I do but again...to most Facebook viewers looking at her pictures thought...oh she looks good she is fine. She did look good she was tough and seemed fine. I posted a picture that day with Nana & Beckett...what would be their last photo together.
The next day we went to check out the Christmas shows and festivities. It rained the whole time and you know what...we didn't care. Nana was in her wheel chair we wore rain coats and had umbrellas and once again we didn't let the circumstances dictate our day because this trip wasn't about us...the weather or a little mud on our pants. This trip was about mom and the boys and her wanting to see you kids see Santa for what was probably going to be the last time and see you both enjoy yourselves. We watched the Polar Express 3-D. I remember holding Beckett and tearing up looking at Nana looking at yal. I remember her pushing through and it was hard...hard to watch. Nana was with us but she was miserable.
Daddy said he hated this trip...it was a very dark trip. He hated the ride there and the ride home. He hated watching her cry in the car...and cry at breakfast...he hated pushing her in the wheel chair and she said "Drew, I just need chemo" He said he hates to remember that trip because it is too sad. He said that was the first time he remembers thinking this isn't good.
I remember her not being able to walk from the car to the hotel room she looked at me and said "honey...get the wheel chair" I did it and we all walked silently up to the room.
She did get to do what she wanted...later that night we took you kids to see Santa at phipps. Although there are no pictures of you there with her she was there. She asked to not have her picture taken. We went to eat at On The Border after and mom could hardly eat...
The next day we drove home...daddy could see in her side mirror she cried most of the way home. I didn't want to leave Rome...Drew didn't want me to leave Rome but I wanted to come home for one day to re pack and re group and head back to be with Nana. We got back to Rome and I went with her to her closet where she changed into comfy clothes....I cried " Mom, I don't want to leave. I just want to pack my stuff I will come back tomorrow. I won't leave you I will be here as long as you need. Do you think you will want to have Christmas here or in Bham as planned?"
For the first time I felt mom knew...she knew she was in a bad way she looked up at me in tears and said "honey...I don't know where we will have Christmas. I want to come there for your first Christmas in your new house but I don't know what this cancer is doing to me? I need to call the doctor tomorrow."
After that we helped her to the couch and JB this part is for you to remember. You will never know this unless I write it for you. I told mom bye and I would see her in a day or two...I cried and hugged her and kissed her but YOU...you didn't know what was going on! This is what you did
You hugged her and touched her head and said "Nana it's okay you will feel better. I love you so much Nana it's okay I will be back soon. okay?" You didn't want to leave you kept hugging her and talking to her... your dad and I stood behind the couch wiping tears knowing...it wasn't getting better.
Your daddy says we will never go back to Stone Mtn. I kind of agree with him. It holds too much sadness. In pictures we smiled ...we did enjoy you seeing snow and playing ... but I won't ever forget Nana...my mom crying at breakfast because she couldn't eat...nothing tasted right. At the same time though...we were all together and for that even though it was terrible on her...it was something...more than what I have now.
Kids...we did it all for you!
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