It's been forever...

Well...I really don't know where to begin! I created this blog for my kids to enjoy one day and also for myself and my family to look back...smile, laugh, cry...whatever and just remember life and not let the memories fade away. Here I have been absent from the blog since last July...and now it is May. I haven't been that blogging do it all mommy .... for a while now. More like a surviving mommy who for many days had to scrape myself out of bed because I was up til 3am in tears and couldn't sleep. Thankfully, I have my faith and family. My children who stand over me at wee hours asking for yogurt or milk and if I will please turn the TV on before school...or waking up to JB rubbing my head and thinking okay...today will be okay. I will now have to go back and re-cap these last months to the best of my ability even though many of these months feel like a blur. Many hard days to remember but I want to jot some things down before I forget so... while the rain comes down today and both my kids are resting I will write. I was sitting here looking back at my calendar just crying reading the words back in October that said "pick up mom and bring her to B-ham" I realized how many things have happened and they haven't been written down and that is was spurred me to check out my blog. One of the many things I have learned since my moms passing is how quick little detailed memories fade away. As hard as i think[close my eyes in the quiet and try to recall certain things]...I can't sometimes and that my friends is why I do this for myself, my kids and for my family. You don't have to read it...or like it and you don't have to care. Thats okay with me...it was designed for them. I cling to every Facebook post with my mom, every hand written note, video and every picture. This is something I wish they had for my life growing up and I could go back and read all the memories we shared and the words of my mom.  

[picture taken December 16th 2013 - day hospice was called]

[ I remember where I stood when I got that news and hitting my knees and the tears starting flowing...one of many tears]

       

     Love

       Stephanie