Through the looking glass...

Today marked an important day in my life. Two years ago today, my mom's birthday, she was given her stage 4 terminal diagnosis. I was simply searching the house to wish her a happy birthday on the morning of June 9th, 2012 when I saw her sitting on her front porch with wet hair in a neon yellow dress just rocking in the chair. I felt immediately something was not right. I cracked open the front door and made my way to the porch. Mom had her head in her left and a phone in her right hand and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I immediately started crying and said "what is wrong?" She proceeded to tell me what her doctor told her, which was a stage 4 diagnosis. Breast cancer which had spread to other locations in the body. I knew it wasn't good but at that moment I told her "everything will be okay. We will get through this and you will be fine. Look how many times we have gotten past this"…and I believed what I was telling her.  I went inside to get my brother and dad…both of which hit their knees while holding her hand on the front porch in their white rocking chairs... which still sit there holding nothing but memories.

I feared this day…TODAY! June 9th of 2014…because mom was basically told that 2 years was it and if she lived past the 2 year mark she would be lucky and could have a real shot to live up to 10 years even. I spent that night reading online the worst….crying to Drew and slept 45 minutes at most dreading this day….well this day has arrived. Matter of fact, this day arrived earlier that I would have liked on December 25th, 2013…the day my mom's journey on Earth was complete. I laid there two years ago today trying to wrap my head around this…what life without my mom would be like…praying…crying and scared. I wasn't ready to lose my mom. I was sad that she was having to fight this and knew she was scared of what was to come. It is amazing to me how fast those two years went by.  I am saddened but at the same time hopeful tonight as I think back over the last 730 days and just how much has changed from that moment. 

Today is mom's birthday…my first time celebrating her birth without her actually here. I told dad this morning that I suppose in Heaven this is just another day because she has a new birthday now…December 25th she began her new and eternal life in Heaven. I still like to celebrate and honor her time with us here. She touched so many people while here and she continues to bless me daily and touch me in ways now that she couldn't even do before. I spent my entire morning and afternoon honoring her and paying tribute to her life…remembering her and doing things that she would have wanted to do. I talked to her and my kids and I even sang in the car…I gazed out windows wishing I could see a special shaped cloud…anything…anything to feel like she was with me today as I thought of her. 

I planned a morning at the Botanical Gardens in Birmingham with my boys. John Brady said "nana will love her party mom!" Dad agreed…she would have. Mom was a green thumb, like her dad, and she loved any time spent outdoors planting, looking at flowers, enjoying nature and especially with family…so we did just so. We walked all over the gardens…enjoyed every little butterfly, lizard, turtle and bird we saw…we talked to nana and even sang her happy birthday while having our picnic lunch. I continued to look up many times throughout the morning and also behind me just hoping…maybe today was the day I could see her again just for a moment. I would walk and feel a breeze or a warm beam of sun on my shoulder and think…"okay mom…I guess that will do"

It wasn't until I stopped for gas on the way home that I had a pretty interesting revelation … doing something so ordinary. I was pumping gas and John Brady put his hand up his window…I reached over and put my hand up to his … matching our hands up and the only thing that was separating our hands was glass. I began to think how I was on the outside of the car looking in watching my kids and had my hand up to the glass like John Brady... but we couldn't feel each others hands. My mind wondered, as always, when I pulled off….I wonder if that is how mom feels. Maybe her view is like a one way mirror. Maybe is it like when I was in gymnastics in my younger years and she stood behind a one way glass…she was indeed watching but I just didn't always know. I like to think so anyway…I like to imagine that Heaven has a sort of one way mirror…those in Heaven can always see us and they are truly not that far away but we just don't know when they are staring right back at us and just how close they might be. 

My devotion last night before bed lead me to Psalm. I left my Bible open to that page during the night last night and when making the bed this morning I couldn't help but see a different verse in Psalm jumping out at me this morning. I stopped making the bed and sat in the floor to read this "For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows and we are gone - as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him." Psalm 103 : 14- 17 

I pondered that a moment and read a few other things and began to think of the legacy each of us leave behind. The wind will blow…for you and for me and like wildflowers we will bloom and die and vanish as though we had never been here…yes, this is true. What is important, I suppose, is the life we live while here…and the legacy we leave behind to those who have known us.  If we entrust faith…then and only then will we begin to attempt to live our lives according to his law. We will fail…daily…we will try again and fail but we are given a promise in Romans in many different verses. 

We are told in chapter 4 verses 13-16 "Clearly, God's promise to give the whole earth to Abraham and his decendants was based not on obedience to God's law, but on a right relationship with God that comes by faith. If God's promise is only for those who obey the law, then faith is not necessary and the promise is pointless…..So the promise is received by faith. It is given as a free gift. And we are all certain to receive it, whether or not we live according to the law of Moses."   

Heaven is all around us. God is standing right behind the one way glass…he sees…we could see if we just look a little harder that he has been right there all along. Like John Brady…you reach out your hand and sometimes you don't feel anything back…but promise is just on the other side of the glass. It is written in Genesis "God said, Let there be a space between the waters, to separate the waters of the heavens from the waters of the earth. And that is what happened. God made this space to separate the waters of earth from the waters of heavens. God called this space sky." Genesis 1: 6-8

Just beyond the horizon seems to far away but it is really all around us…just on the other side of the looking glass…it all depends on how we chose to see things. 

Good Night & Happy Birthday mom! xoxo Love you always

Below are some pictures at the Gardens and how we spent our morning. 

Enjoying their picnic…face I get when I say "Cheese!" My fav beck face!

Enjoying the swing … asking to get pushed high. Not the right kind of swing buddy!

Group selfie… missing daddy! Taking him back for a picnic Wednesday!

My FAVORITE pic of the day…John Brady reaching out to hug Nana after we sang Happy Birthday…yes, I cried!

photographing two busy boys is hard!

Always remember…Mommy loves you! xoxo

Loving on my not so little guy…tear! 

June 9, 2014 - Hoping this is a start of a new birthday tradition for mom!

Psalm 56: 3-4 [Learning to not be afraid]

Hopefully this interests you - Cancer fighting dinner & kid friendly!

Hello friends!

I am doing a quick blog about our dinner tonight to share with some of you who may have a passion for healthy eating too! I did some reading during kids nap time today which sparked me to share our dinner with you! 

I have read the book Life over Cancer about two years ago with my mom and since spent many hours reading online, books, news articles, etc. I really enjoy educating myself about many things and one of my favorites is diet. I love to cook and to know what I am eating…I am the ultimate label reader! Anywhoooo….this was dinner at our house tonight! 

Adults: Salmon & Kale patties with brussels

Kids: Salmon & Kale patties with raspberries 

I usually make salmon patties and we all love them but thanks to Pinterest I got the idea of adding Kale to them for added health benefits. I then got creative and added my own "cancer fighting" spin to them…packing them full of things that combat cancer…because why not?

Recipe:

2- 6 oz cans of WILD alaskan salmon

1 cup of finely chopped organic kale

1/4 cup finely chopped onion

2 cloves of garlic chopped

2 organic eggs

1/2 cup filtered water

2 Tablespoons of flour

2 Tablespoons of organic flaxseeds

2 Tablespoons of stoneground mustard

Pinch of salt, pepper, chili powder for flavor

Salmon we use purchased from Costco in bulk

Mix all ingredients together and spoon into a hot skillet with olive oil cook until brown on each side and cooked through. 

Flaxseed tip - can be ground in a coffee grinder
 for finer texture

Kale we use- also purchased from Costco in bulk

This was very easy and BONUS they are kid approved. It is very important to purchase WILD canned salmon and not farmed! Also, be careful even with the mustard you purchase. Read the back…are there preservatives and food coloring added? If so…find another one!! 

Little John Brady eating what I called "chicken & avocado" burger…haha white lie? He liked it!! 

We served our Salmon & Kale patties with sautéed brussels seasoned solely with salt, pepper and chopped garlic. 

Why this meal is good for you?

Wild Salmon & flaxseeds:

are packed with Omega 3's which reduce inflammation and are believed to restrict tumor growth. Flaxseeds specifically can be important to women combating breast cancer or looking to reduce their risk of developing breast cancer.

Kale: 

is high in iron, packed with antioxidants, a great detox food and also reduces inflammation.  Kale is listed as one of the top cancer fighting foods.  

Garlic:

helps boost your immune system and also in on the list of cancer fighting foods. Garlic also helps cleanse your liver. Several compounds in garlic may have anti-cancer properties, but compounds of one type in particular—the allyl sulfur compounds—are said to play a major role. These compounds may help the body get rid of cancer-causing chemicals and help cause cancer cells to die naturally. There have also been claims that garlic has immune-boosting properties that may reduce cancer growth and help fight off diseases such as the common cold. These finds are still being studied.

Brussels:

one of the vegetables that fall under the "plant-blased diet" rich in cruciferous vegetables. These vegetables are all important for our health and each have their own substances for warding off many health problems. 

Calling all superheroes!!! JB 4th Birthday weekend

We started off the weekend by meeting grandma and grandpa at the Birmingham Botanical Gardens. It was a beautiful day and we all enjoyed the flowers. You enjoyed feeding the fish of course. We had lunch in the gardens at the cafe there...it was so yummy. I remember you ordered a grilled cheese but had half of grandma's turkey! We followed that by Superman ice cream for the little hero at Mtn. Brk Creamery

Saturday we had lunch @ 5 downtown. It is one of our favorite spots. You love everything there chicken and waffles at brunch and usually eat the burger for lunch. Here is a picture of us with grandma...We left lunch and went straight home to get a few things together for your little birthday gathering with a few friends. 

Here are some pictures below from the party. 

I made capes out of old t-shirts and swords out of pool noodles. You of course had a special super hero t-shirt. The capes didn't last long and yal were pulling them off...good thing they were free =) 

Grandma & Hannah worked hard helping me by hanging these streamers and banner for cute photo ops.

[mommy & jb doing our best HULK SMASH!!!]

I made your cake homemade in a flash. I did a tie day cake batter with super hero colors and cream cheese icing and super man sprinkles. 

Pictures of you boys with your "spider web" aka silly string and also taking a gold cart cruise home from the playground. 

What I did for the table scape on a dime....

 Used starbucks frap glasses and drew hulk faces on them with permanent black marker and filled with green juice. Blue silly string wrapped in red  craft paper and black spider drawn. 
"ZAP" "BANG" "BOOM" phrases drawn on craft paper and cut out. 
I took used card board boxes from recycling and painted them like buildings. Bought super hero confetti, plates and napkins at Party City. 

    I used pool noodles from the Dollar Tree and cut them in half for swords. I took old t-shirts and followed the tutorial on Pinterest for DIY capes out of old t-shirts. I found super hero masks at Walmart. I used all of John Brady's super heroes as decor. I made his own "tie dye" superhero color cake. White cake mix divided in four bowls(red, blue, yellow, green) then poured them in two baking pans. Topped with homemade cream cheese icing with "superman" colored sprinkles. 

Over all I spent very little and the party decor was precious. The kids enjoyed the "swords", capes and silly string. They played on the play ground and ran around with their masks and capes. We ordered pizza to be delivered to make it easy and mostly...had lots of fun! =)

Dear 4 year old John Brady...

Dear John Brady, 

  

You are the big 4. 

Height: 43 inches

Weight: 43 lbs

Hair: blonde

Eyes: blueish/green

Favorite foods: chicken nuggets, cheese dip, guacamole, drumsticks, sausage, all fruit, 

muffins, bacon & donuts. 

Favorite movie(s): Toy Story, Frozen, Tangled, Air Bud, Beethoven, Little Mermaid, 101 Dalmations, Mulan to name a few

Favorite TV: Wild Kratts, The Hulk, Spiderman, Oscar the Lizard

Favorite restaurant: anything mexican

Favorite activities: riding your razor, splashing in puddles, going to your "hideout" with friends, playing with your super heroes, shooting basketball, throwing the ball with anyone, playing outside, and nightly baths and playing "sealions & dolphins" with the wash cloths.

When you grow up: "take care of dogs and throw them balls!"

Your favorite thing about daddy: wrestling and tackling and having him read to you at night

Your favorite thing about mommy: playing with me and throwing the ball and when we sleep together

You are growing up so fast. You love to go to the Zoo and see the sea lions. You enjoy going to the botanical gardens and feeding the fish. You love to get superman ice cream and any time the ice cream truck comes. You still love shoes! You play trucks with your brother and really like to play with your dress up clothes[superhero, workers, football, etc] You enjoy watching Netflix on the iPad for wind down time. Your favorite books are [If you give a Mouse a Cookie, who took the Cookie from the Cookie Jar, Waking Dragons, Superhero comic books, I love you Forever]

You can write your name pretty decent with a little coaching. You like to listen to country music and are very specific about the songs you like. Currently you are liking Luke Bryan's play it again, Sam Hunt's music, Jake Owen's Beachin', to name a few. You recently started sleeping with your light on. You are a wild child sometimes and well most days and by bed time I am worn out!! =) You keep me on my toes and hopping. Some nights I have to remind myself how we started the day to not get frustrated. For example you woke me this morning like this..

"Mama, get up sweet girl. Please get up with me and we can have breakfast together." While you rubbed my arm and head..."Okay mama?" while you are turning on the lights and turning off the fan! =) So sweet you share green tea with me on occasion. I can't believe you like it. You are a really good eater. Yes, all your favorite foods are junk but you actually eat well for the most part. 

You are a good helper in the grocery stores and always sound so grown up when trying to help. You hate bed time...i swear you cry every night. You never want the party to stop... =)

4 years have flown by honestly...I can't believe this time next year you will be getting ready to start kindergarten? As I have shared before...mom told me the days are long but the years are short. So on this birthday when you look back and read this know this...she was right! There are some long days...some days I literally am in tears because you won't listen but on the flip side 30 minutes later I catch you helping Beckett with something or using amazing manners. The years have flown by and they will continue to do so. I will never get these days back with you and you will never understand what all this means until you too are a parent. Please know that all day every day I dedicate not to myself but to you, your brother and your dad and I try to do all those things with a gracious heart and putting God first. I fail daily...I make mistakes, I get frustrated, I cry...but that is such a small part in all the awesomeness!! I try my best...I stay up late to make things perfect for your party, or your school costume, etc. I do it because I enjoy it and because again...I only have a few short years to do these things for you boys. One day way too soon...you will both be gone on your own and I will be itching for something to do. 

I love you - Happy Birthday

Love mom 

New Years @ Lake Nottely

Well, I was kind of sad for 2013 to be over. You may ask yourself why? You experienced such heartache weren't you ready for a new year? 

Well, quite frankly the year itself had nothing to do with it and secondly I was sad about a new year... new year mom was not there...one she did not make it to. So 2014 for me sounded scary because it meant time was pushing on without her. I was stuck still looking around and backwards but the world was spinning around me and time was flying by me already. 

We decided to head to the lake house for a few days to get away and try to again be "normal".

It was Mark, Stacy, Papa[my dad], Hannah, Dora, Drew, the boys and I.

Again sad...because you find yourself feeling so sad we are all together and mom was not there it was such a gap. 

It was very cold and Drew got to do one of his favorite things, not joking, build a fire. It started in the morning and burned til night. We ate ribs, pizza, chicken and more while we were there. Healthy, right? 

We sat around the fire and talked, watched movies and played board games as usual.

I remember spacing in and out staring at the fire letting my mind run rampant. Stacy would catch me and say "you doing okay?" She knew the answer I gave was a lie.."oh yea..me? I'm fine yea" with a half smile. 

She lost both of her parents young...so she knew. 

We had a indoor snowball fights..fake of course but it was actually kind of fun and John Brady loved it. 

We went to the old Cabbage Patch hospital and took walks too. We did the best we could considering. We also opened presents because Christmas was different for all of us this year we held off many presents and opened some there. We watched We are The Millers movie...and to be honest i think it was the first time I actually laughed in a while at some parts. 

Kids...I remember grandpa doing trot trot with you both in his lap. JB, you really have always loved it and Beckett was just learning all about it! =) 

I am not going to bed just yet...words from a friend "You will know your ministry..let Him be with you...let Him!"

So...I was calling it quits for tonight. 10:30...too late for Nashville. Will watch tomorrow when Drew is doing a guy thing with some buddies. Tonight... I am feeling the need to type. You may not be able to tell...my grammar is rough and my sentences are wild..BUT I am an English Major with a creative writing minor. My favorite thing about blogging is I can chunk all that crap out of the window and just chill with some good music and let my mind loose. I was going to stop writing for the night....but  I remembered this...how good is this? TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE!!

My mom had many friends...and I can speak with conviction not one enemy. I was so lucky to call many of her friends my friends too as mom and I were attached at the hip. I could spout of some names of her friends who have reached out to me and the list would bore you...you outstanding women...you know who you are...bringing us food & checking on us...going above and beyond. Thank you! There is one woman in particular that I have to share our words!! 

My mom's best friend, Lynn Maddox ...she calls me to check on me often. She lost her husband a few years ago and knows what grief feels like. She is an amazing example of a woman of faith and I take her words to heart. She has been giving me words of wisdom for years BUT in our most recent conversation I knew these words I needed to jot down. They would be some of the most profound things I have heard and reflected on since December 25th. 

She was speaking so much of my heart I loved hearing it in words I couldn't write it down fast enough. I was crying and grabbed a purple marker and notepad with one sheet of paper left ...how real is this?

 She first mentioned there is nothing like the shadow of death to show you who you really are. Are you on board or not? Do you have faith or not? Do you resent God or do you trust God? She then stated from her experience with loss that you will never be closer to God than when a loved one in lost. Well that is true...for me. Not everyone...experiences like this can define you...Good or bad...us left behind decide how we will let this work in our lives and in those around us. 

She said to me "You will know your ministry. Let him be with you. Let him!" That was two months ago. I did and I have...amazing how things start to work themselves out. I am heartbroken. I miss mom all day. I cry once a day...but as Lynn said " I hear Jesus' voice in all you are saying. I hear you understand."

Honestly...hearing that from someone was the best thing I have heard in my life. A major example of a Godly woman in my life, a 65 year old lady who has a lot of years of experience on me tells me she hears Jesus in my voice? Boy do I have a lot of work to do to uphold that...I fall short all day every day. 

She said you are right where you are supposed to be. YOU THINK YOUR MOM WAS PROUD OF YOU BEFORE?? LOOK AT YOU NOW!!!! 

I hope that is true. I hope each day is first and foremost a tribute to God and that my mom is proud that  I was able to turn a "plagued by a problem and view it as a rich opportunity." An opportunity to "know my ministry and listen to him" as Lynn shared. 

She instructed me her words of wisdom. She prayed in her loss " Lord...here I am. What am I supposed to do?" He told her...."JUST STAY HERE AND LOVE ME" 

She told me she did just that..at the cost of friends and more. 

I believe her...I told Drew that night....here I am...I am on this path. We are in it together...yes? 

THE DEEPER THE SORROW THE BRIGHTER THE SUN!! 

This...is just one of 1,000 conversations with amazing people that have impacted me. I hope they help you in your walk. I hope that you just look at the pictures below and see the rawness of this convo. My kids running around the house...Drew at a hair cut and she calls...I could have ignored it but then I wouldn't have all this to share. For 45 minutes my world became so quiet and still as we prayed together over the phone she spoke to me...I stared at the clouds wondering if mom was smiling and I scribbled this down. 

Mom's Eulogy

I will be honest. I never...never pictured myself writing this... but here it is. For those of you not able to attend the celebration of my mom's life on December 28th, 2013. Here is what I wrote that was read there. 

Janice Corwin Eulogy - Written by Stephanie Corwin Nichols 

Our mother, Janice Corwin, was born into a loving Christian home in Rockmart, Georgia. She the second oldest of five children. Her childhood was filled with all the good things that life is truly about.  Her sister, JoAnn, shared with me days before her passing mom told her "there is not a thing I would change about my childhood, it was perfect." Most of you who know her now may find in surprising she waas a tomboy and was always on her daddy's heels. Her daddy nicknamed her June Bug because she was born in June and always outside with him. The curly headed and blue eyed little girl spent her free time out side in their pristine garden learning from her dad or in the kitchen with her mom learning to cook, can and sew. Her little sister JoAnn remembers playing basketball and picking wild beans with her and pretending they were cooking like their mama. Her older sister Faye remembers her as the protector of their family always the first to stand up for any of her siblings.  Her younger brothers remember her watching over them and following their mothers strict instructions to keep them clean before church, and of course my mom did just so. Over the last few emotionally exhausting days there is a silver lining. I was blessed to hear many stories about mom before I knew her,  all of which I will cling to. JoAnn too shared with me in their high school days they rocked on their front porch and stared up at the stars and mom said to her " I wonder who my soul mate is? Wouldn't it be neat to know how our lives will end up?"

Some years later mom did meet her soulmate and it was truly fate. Our dad was working with an Atlanta law firm and asked by a co-worker to help out in an area of the Fulton Country Courthouse he had never been. That would prove to be the best favor he ever did for a friend. Dad walked in and began to work but noticed behind a desk clear across the room sat the most stricking women he had ever seen. He was determined to get his work done but just could not do so. She noticed him as well and shared with me later  "well I definitely have never seen him in here before…I would have remembered." Dad, speechless for once, worked up the courage to ask mom to lunch. The two of them immediately shared something special. Their love has been such an example in my life always present and abundantly flowing in the house I have grown up in for years. Mom and dad were married for over 30 years and worked side by side in his office for over 17 years. 

Together they raised my brother and I and for that we owe them everything. I remember nothing but good times with mom and dad they always were so free and in love. They always held hands and shared morning and evening kisses. It never got old to my brother or I but instead and example of the love we wanted to and now have in our own families. They were each others number one fans helping each other and working together to leave a legacy we would all be proud of. From their beautiful bond my brother and I learned  and later brought 4 precious grand children into their lives. Mom has been a grandmother for 17 years and witnessed the birth all 4. She was there when they took their first breath and stood by them until she took her last. She hung on until she watched all of them open what would be their last gifts from their nana. She doted over her first grand child like no other and cheered Ashley on at many basketball games and bragged about her success on and off the athletic floor. She read Chandler books, watched him race and even helped him design his own roller coasters. She sewed John Brady's halloween costumes, made ramps for his trucks, took him to feed ducks and geese and of course gave him ice cream sandwiches. Finally, despite the news of her diagnosis she slept in the hospital with me after Beckett was born, rocked him to sleep and did the itsy bitsy spider with him making him laugh so hard he could barely catch his breath. What a wife, mother, nana and she has been. 

In all of our eyes she was super woman. She was a woman of many talents. She had a love for the outdoors and I can only hope I can carry on her green thumb. Her garden was always over flowing with an array of beautiful flowers, herbs and vegetables.  The hours she spent with her mom learning to sew carried on until weeks before her passing patching dads clothes, sewing grand children's halloween costumes or hemming my pants. Our home was always impeccably decorated she had everything placed in a perfectly perfect place but at the same time it was cozy and welcoming. Mom always wanted to entertain and have the ones who meant the most in our home laughing, sharing memories and her good food. She was truly the "hostess with the mostess" be it birthday parties, holiday parties, cheerleading sleepovers, my middle school fashion shows, wedding showers, baby showers…she did it all. All of us sitting here have been to one of those parties and know she didn't just throw it together everything was truly over the top perfection, only because she loved us all and wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 

Somehow she found time to cook a lovely meal every night for her family all while cutting dad's hair for over 30 years and Drew's for the last 11 years. Mom was present every second. You would think a woman who cooked, decorated, cleaned, sewed and gardened must not have had time for her kids? WRONG…it was the exact opposite. She did all of those things with my brother and I and way more, which is why we consider ourselves the lucky ones. Chris remembers mom in the back yard teaching him to throw and catch, "keep your eye on the ball Chris" and how swing a bat. I know mom never missed an event I was in and I remember her teaching me a back walkover so it would be perfect in my upcoming gymnastics meet. Mom not once lost her patience with either of us although we probably gave her many reasons to over the years. Instead she lead by example showing us how to be kind, patient, and giving. Chris and I spoke the other day and share the same fear along with dad…we the fear her of her not picking up the phone on the other end when we call her one day by habit. She was the best listener and slow to criticize. She never spoke ugly of anyone and stuck by the golden rule "If you don't have something nice to say don't say it at all." So simple…so true. She listened to all of us and even some of you sitting in this room and always had just the perfect thing to say. 

Mom loved to travel and see Gods wonders of the world and most recently made her first and last trip to Niagra Falls with dad, something they always wanted to do together. Some of my most vivid memories are watching broadway musicals in New York and finding live mussels in Maine and her teaching me how to clean and cook them. One childhood vacation memory I still laugh about is after dad and I riding Tower of Terror at Disney multiple times in a row somehow convinced mom, who hated rollercoasters, it really wasn't all that bad…WE LOVE IT MOM…come on!!  Of course mom gave it a whirl and I looked over during the ride she was literally green about to pass out and I thought "oh no dad and I are in trouble now.." Needless to say that was the last time she listened to one of dad and I's bright ideas. It was okay that she didn't like coasters because that is still the only thing I can think of we don't share in common. 

Mom loved to dance. After many times asking dad and Drew to dance with us we decided we were okay dancing with each other and liked it that way. While decorating we always rocked around the Christmas tree together…literally, did the pretzel to the calypso band in the bahamas and did the best break down to "She's a brick house" on the beach…so good dad decided to join. One of our most simple but treasured memories is playing cards. Mom, dad, Drew and myself have played thousands of times over the last 11 years. Two days before her passing she even shared with Drew how much fun she had playing cards with us always laughing and being competitive all in good fun and she hated we wouldn't be able to play anymore. Mom loved sitting on her screened porch and listening to the birds chirp. She loved the newness and blossom of a cool spring day and the coziness of a fall afternoon enjoying watching the trees turn many magnificent shades. She carried a purse we all called her Mary Poppins bag. It wasn't huge but somehow she had everything any of us needed. We could be hours down the road headed for vacation and anyone could ask her …"oh no - do you have blank?" It doesn't matter what it was she would pull it out and say "yes of course…mama is always one step ahead. " Mom loved to dress in the latest and has kept us all looking hip. She showered us all with fashion advice and the newest trend so we all felt special knowing she knew best.  Mom loved  Alabama game days and hustle and bustle of Tuscaloosa on a Fall Saturday afternoon. Her tailgate was the cutest and spot all of my friends wanted to be. I can still see her smile and laughter now as she would high five her friends in the stands and shake her pom and with her contagious smile and yelling Roll Tide. 

Most of you all hear call her Janice, we were lucky enough to be able to call her mom. She was more than just my mom she was and still is my very best friend and idol. Even since her passing I feel her by my side more than ever. She told me a few days ago "My God, knows what is the best for me, it may not be what I desire. He made me, I am his, and I will be his faithful servant trusting him to take care of me. I know I will love my new home he is preparing for me." She was so worried about others even two days before her passing. While laying beside her a few days ago I asked if she was resting and wanted me to go…she said "no don't go I was just sitting here praying for you all." Warm tears trickled down my face knowing she has truly strived to be Christ like as long as we have all known her. 

Mom asked for several days preceding her passing is it Christmas yet? Christmas morning came dad leaned over and wished her a Merry Christmas told her what a beautiful cold frosty morning it was and the boys were about to open their presents. I then told her we loved her Merry Christmas and Santa came to see the boys "I wish you could see their joy this morning mom."  Moments later we walked the boys down the stairs and watched their faces survey the presents and walked in her bedroom to fill her in and she was gone. She had a smile on her face and looked so peaceful. We all cried and hugged knowing mom was celebrating like John Brady said " in Jesus' house while watching down on us. We believe she hung on as long as she could but couldn't bear the fact she couldn't see all over her loved ones on Christmas and that once we told her what day is was she let go to become one of God's angels. One of moms dear friends shared this text with me on the day of her passing which I will share with you today "Stephanie, I can't think of a better day to lose a loved one on. That, in my opinion is a tell tell sign that she was always the angel I knew she was. That God has bigger plans for her than we could ever imagine. I hope she sees my son and all her lost loved ones. They say it is a glorious reunion. I know you adored her. You are a spitting image of her and I always admired the relationship the two of you shared. Never have I ever seen a mother and daughter so close." I believe mom is smiling down on all of us and I can find comfort, even in this heartache knowing she is being cared for by the ultimate healer and she no longer has pain. Today I want to celebrate a beautiful life lived and as difficult as it may be try not dwell on the life lost. 

God Took Her to His Loving Home

God saw her getting tired, a cure was not to be. 

He wrapped her in his loving arms and whispered "Come with me"

She suffered much in silence, 

her spirit did not bend. 

She faced her pain with courage, 

until the very end.

She tried so hard to stay with us but her fight was not in vain, 

God took her to His loving home and freed him from the pain.